If you were to find a lamp and that lamp just happened to contain a genie and that genie offered you three wishes, what would your three wishes be?
With the new Aladdin movie hitting the screens, we will inevitably find ourselves pondering this question. People may wish to wish for a billion dollars, a personal shoe designer, a dessert-only diet (without negative repercussions) – all such wishes sound fabulous. And for many of the most wishful of wishes, we truly would need a genie to come into play.
But if an industry could actually make some wishes come true, or at least improve upon the current state of things, perhaps they would enjoy playing genie? So listen up airline industry, – here are some wishes we ask of you!
- Shorter TSA Lines: We get it, we do, your job it to keep us safe and we should probably just deal with it all (we do, you tend to freak us out). But the length of the lines is just insane. Maybe the TSA dogs could be trained to sniff out the bad guys, they’re pretty amazing; did you know that dogs can find cancer? Oh, and if you need some extra funds to make this happen, might I suggest some utilizing some of the one million dollars of spare change we leave for you.
- Uncomplicated Boarding: Have you ever noticed our puzzled faces? First, it is not easy to hear the information delivered via 70s fast-food drive-thru intercoms (airports are quite loud). Second, dividing us into several different boarding groups does not help. Third, back to front boarding is not working, just ask Mythbusters.
- More Overhead Bin Space: Now that you are charging us for luggage, guess what we are doing? We are – wait for it – carrying more stuff with us! Which we totally love doing, by the way. So now we need more space for our carry-on items, but don’t take away any more seat space to do so. Perhaps reconsider charging for luggage?
- Train the Passengers: We are sorry to ask you to do this as it is not really your responsibility but could we please (pretty please) add a PSA video to be viewed right after the safety video. This video would serve as a reminder that all flight-friends deserve respect. Some ideas to share – no going barefoot, do not allow your child to kick the seat in front of them, diaper changing should take place in the bathroom, share armrests, use your headphones when watching a movie or playing a game on your personal device – this video sponsored by Ms. Manners.
- All Non-Stop Flights: Ahhh . . dare to dream.
- Closer Parking Lots (that do not require an entire separate travel itinerary to get to): We get off the plane, we wait at baggage claim for our bags, we go outside (more than likely the absolute wrong door) and wait (and wait and wait (for a shuttle, then a boat, then a small aircraft, and eventually call an Uber – oh wait, never mind, the airport Uber pickup spot is located in a parallel universe). All this to get back to our parked cars.
- Closer Rental Car Pick-up/Drop-off: See above.
- Learn Great Ideas from Your Friends: I am green (or genie blue) with envy of those that get to fly Aer Lingus. Their guests are “guaranteed an aisle or window seat on the first row of the aircraft, with the middle seat left unoccupied for a roomier travel experience. They will also enjoy reserved cabin space in the bins directly overhead, as well as complimentary lounge access, Fast Track security, and priority boarding. They will get to bring a free bag up to 44 pounds, and enjoy a complimentary snack and beverage from the in-flight menu.” Take me away, Aer Lingus, I’m yours!
Thank you for listening, you may now sit back, relax and enjoy your flight.